Tell your (real) story

I've been struggling to find the words lately. I'm feeling unworthy, unqualified, and unable to speak (well, write, actually) to anyone who will listen. Who am I to share my experiences, or what God is teaching me? I am just a girl struggling through life, just like everyone else. (Are those lyrics to a song? Did I just plagiarize?) But I need to remind myself, that is exactly why I need to keep pushing myself to write, to speak my mind, because I am just like everyone else. I am only a child of God. It's that simple. And that's all that matters to qualify me.

Another reason I've been hesitant to write is because suddenly I am afraid that I constantly come across as a downer and negative, and I don't want that. I want to be able to write super honestly, be real, and that will include the good and the bad. Really, I want you to see that the struggles and negatives in my life have actually helped me to be more positive and joyful than ever. That is what I want this blog to be about. My journey through all the stuff to finding the true joy.

But mostly, I'm afraid that I wont be an encouragement. What I want most is for my good bad and in between to encourage you!  I hope that by my honesty and vulnerability it will help you to find the courage to share your story. I saw a quote once on one of my CHD support groups and it said something like, "Keep sharing your story. It might just be the key to help some one unlock their own." It has stuck with me and has been an encouragement to me to keep writing. I know that hearing other peoples stories has helped me process my own journey. And keeping my life lessons to myself helps absolutely no one. I want to say here is my story, the real, non-sugar-coated, hard stuff, and here I am! Now I want to hear yours! Tell me your real story.

If you are going to go through something hard, you want it to have purpose and see something good come out of it. So I want all that we walked through to turn into something good, a story that encourages others. I want to show others that the story is never over. My story isn't over, and neither is yours. It is ever changing, new twists and turns will come, the good the bad and the in between will continue. What truly matters is what you make of it. Will you close yourself off, keep it to yourself, or will you turn it around and make something out of it? It is so cultural to "leave things at the door". When someone is hurting, it is only in the walls of their own home and you leave it there. But what if we welcomed people into our homes, into our lives? What if we let people walk through our doors?  I heard once that empathy is stepping into someone and sympathy is stepping away. Sympathy is saying I'm sorry for you, but empathy is saying I'm sorry, let me sit in this with you. Let's be empathetic, not sympathetic. If you are willing to sit with someone in their hard times, I'm sure you will have people willing to sit with you in yours.

I want to encourage you to stop comparing your story to other people and start opening up and relating with other people. There is no comparison, no person can compare to any other person because we are all totally unique and different, so why even try? We may have had the same experience, but I'm sure we handled it differently and come out of it differently. So instead of even attempting to compare your story to someone else, step into their story, listen and say I can empathize with that, I can relate with you in that. What if we were all vulnerable and honest? Maybe that tough stuff wouldn't be so tough if we walked through it together. Maybe we'd come out the other side with a new vision, a new lease on life and a new joy!

goals

Normally I do not do new years resolutions. Several years ago I realized that I do not like goal setting and that new years resolutions tend to just make me frustrated, so I decided to stop. If you know yourself, and how you work best, you know what you just should and shouldn't do. However this year a friend of mine encouraged me to use one of these fancy planners that have several calendars and make you do a vision board and goal setting for the year and then each month has goals and on and on... Anyway, it was fun, for about 2 weeks. And then February first hit and of my goals for the month I had reached about 55% of each of them but not actually done any of them to completion. I am so frustrated! Sure, sure, I did something and I guess, I appreciate that I did at least part of those goals because who knows what I would have accomplished had I not written anything down. But I think I have decided that that is not the best motivational tool for me. And seeing as it is February 18 and I have not even looked at it to make new goals for the month, I would assume that I am already behind on any goals I would have set! That's just not how I work. All of that said, one of my goals for the year is to blog twice a month. In January, I only got one post up. So half way there! It is already the 18th and I'm just now sitting down at my computer. I do still want to post twice a month, but in this phase of life I am ok with the fact that it just might not happen. But I would still appreciate it if you would come along for the ride with me! I think I'm going to adjust my goal to once a month... And if I do more its just a bonus.

January and February are always such hard months. They are cold and dark and boring! I find myself dreaming of moving to the beach, just about every day. It doesn't help that Maelyn begs to go to the beach every day. I think, maybe Maelyn would handle winters better at the beach and she would be able to live a better life, or maybe I'd be less afraid of anyone getting sick if we lived in the salty breezes. And the more and more I think about it the more and more I want to go and I think maybe it's possible! But then I remember, where you are is not what is important. Life will follow you anywhere. Even paradise isn't paradise when you live there full time. But most importantly God has placed us where we are for a reason. My word of the year is ROOTS, and dreaming of moving to the beach is not helping me feel rooted where I am. I know that we chose to live here for many great reasons and that God has even more reasons than we know. I just need to be content with these winters. On the bright side, winter here is much better than in Rochester!

Another goal of mine is to just do more as a family and to take more trips. This weekend we had Monday off and so I was determined to use the long weekend. I thought, this is a great opportunity to visit the beach! It might be cold but it is still a trip and the beach so lets try it. Well we procrastinated booking a place to stay and then it came up that this weekend was Tim's grandmothers 97th birthday and there was going to be a party for her. I knew we were not meant to go to the beach, but we were meant to so share our time with family. Share our kids with their grandparents and most importantly with their great grandmother. Even though I wanted to go south, and instead we went north. We almost called it off and didn't go at all out of fear of illness. But, it was so good. The kids did great in the car and staying in new rooms. They loved seeing everyone and everyone loved being able to see all the kids. Their great grandmother was so happy to see her great grandchildren and be able to hug and kiss them. They pray for her every night and I'm sure that is how she's still going at 97 years strong.

I had several other goals. But I'm letting any time frame go. Because if grandma Stocker taught me anything, it's that even if I get to have 97 years, life is short. So I think taking it one day at a time and treasuring my family is about all I need right now.

Love

If you could only instill one thing in your children what would it be? I feel like most people would say hard work, or something of the sort. But I believe that the only thing you need to be, is loving. If you can love others and love yourself, everything else will flow out of that. Kindness, empathy,  respect, humility, integrity, responsibility, forgiveness, all naturally flow out of love. And if you exhibit those qualities, I believe, you will be respected and successful. If you look at Jesus' teachings, they all come back to love. Even the first commandment is to love God! So I try to make love and kindness a first and foremost everyday in our house. 

I just finished putting up my valentines decorations. I think I might like putting up valentines decorations as much as Christmas decorations, maybe. I love having reminders of love all over the house. I often leave some of them up year round, because love isn't a passing holiday. But I put my valentines decorations out earlier than most because they perfectly fit the theme of our next holiday. On January 21 our family has Family Life Celebration Day. It's kind of like valentines day just for the 6 of us. Some adoptive families celebrate "gotcha day" and people celebrate all different types of anniversaries. Well January 21 is kind of like our "gotcha day" for Maelyn, and all of our kids. It was the day that we were told that we would never get to meet Maelyn. The first doctor to look at her by ultrasound, at my 20 week appointment, told us that she would not be able to live with the heart that she has and that we would need to let them know when we were ready to terminate the pregnancy. Luckily that doctor was wrong, Maelyn is able to live with that heart. We learned a lot about fetal development and life and death through that experience, but really we learned that every day of every life is a miracle and a blessing. We learned that life, health, time, nothing is guaranteed. So on January 21 we celebrate each other. We give gifts, have fun together and love on each other. We remember how lucky we are to have each other. It is not all about Maelyn, it is not about the negativity of that day. It is about our family and how blessed we are to have had each day together, and how lucky we will be to have more days together. I got a new decoration this year. It's a banner that says, "Love Every Moment". I think that sums up Family Life Celebration day pretty well, love each other like God loves you, and love each and every moment He gives us. 

2019 word of the year

While we lived in Colorado I tried to have a word of the year each year. And it was always so interesting to see how the word played out in my life. It was not always how I imagined it would, but it was always a perfect fit. It was a fun little thing and made for a great way to reflect on the past year and focus on the next year. In 2018 I did not do it. I didn't pick a word and I didn't even think about it. Let's face it, I had a newborn and was way to overwhelmed with everything else to think of one word! But if I did have one, it probably would have been Survive. I was drowning with 4 kids, a new home and looking my daughters surgery in the face.

To pick a word this year I decided to look back on the words of last five years. 2014 did not have an official word, but it was probably Change. We had a newborn and just moved to across the country to a place we had never been before and didn't know a soul. 2015 was Heart. It started as a word for love and allowing Jesus to reign in our hearts. But it became even more fitting as we discovered Maelyn's heart defect and had her first surgery. 2016 was Life. We were coming out of a super hard year. I had been so consumed with worry over the death of my children that I needed to shift my focus to life and experiencing it to the full. 2017 was a year for Joy. I was determined to choose it and live it because I had realized that true joy only comes from the Lord. This is also the year that Nora was conceived, born and named, Joy. 2018... Like I said it didn't have a word, but if I had to pick one now, it was probably Survive. We had recently moved, I had a newborn, I was struggling to balance 4 kids and new schools. I was just trying to survive each day. Also there was surgery. Which gives survive its deeper meaning.

Now that the year of survival is coming to a close, 2019 needs a great theme. After reviewing the past words and years, honestly the new word came easily. Roots. Our life has been in an upheaval in so many ways over the last five years. I want to grow roots that dig deep and stay still. I want to be so rooted that I am still and at peace. I want to be rooted in our family, in our church and in community. We have moved so much that it's hard to feel settled. It's hard to feel like we have community outside of our family. We've had so many trials that even though I know I am so rooted in Christ, I want to go deeper. I want my kids to securely rooted in Christ and in community. I think roots is going to be a lot about community. Even though we moved back to the same town, it's not the same community. And even though we have been here for a year and a half, I still feel like we just got here. I want to feel settled, nestle in for the long hall, make connections, be involved, feel needed, wanted and nourished so that I can continue to grow.

When I think of the image of roots, I think of the tress in Hawaii. Their branches would grow both up and down. I love that image of the green leaves reaching up and spreading out so far they were like protective ceilings but they would also send shoots stretching down from the branches to the soil below. I loved the huge trees who's roots were just everywhere. They were growing up and over and around and down. They were a tangled mess but they ensured that the tree was not moving and was getting what it needed. You couldn't even count the number of roots they had and the shoots going down from the branches had to the cut back by the people who were using the trees for coverage. I want to have crazy roots. And I want the wisdom to cut back what I don't need. I want to stretch out and flourish right where I'm planted.