One day at a time

Hooray! Micah is finally walking! He's not great at it, he doesn't really bend his knees and he doesn't know what to do with his hands, but he's doing it! And he's doing it on his own, all over the house. He thinks it's really funny and gets really excited when he walks across the room. The other night he was attempting to "run" away from us and thought it was hilarious. It is becoming normal for him to walk around the room, but Ben still needs to announce it to everyone and make sure I know that Micah is walking. Ben also likes to coach him and encourage him in his walking. It is so cute! He still doesn't stand up on his own, he has to crawl to something to help him pull himself up and then he walks. He still has a way to go but he is trying and he is motivated, so I am happy. He is also attempting more words which I am so glad about. He has started to say mama! Finally, I came after, daddy, Ben, Bentley, ball, apple, train, spoon, thank you, amen, ding ding, Elmo, blue bear... You catch my drift. He is almost the exact same age that Ben was when Micah was born and that seem so strange. Ben was 17 months, 3 weeks, when Micah was born and he was running and using short sentences. Micah is nowhere near that point. I hope he will get there before Maelyn is born.  

Micah walking/'running' last night with his lovies! (Don't mind our messy room)

I go through phases every day of being ok with everything and positive, to just a mess and overwhelmed. Honestly I think that not going to to social things this week and not seeing people has helped. Sorry people but you stress me out. I've also been trying to be more honest with people about what is going on and not pretending that everything is ok and that this pregnancy is a normal one. I went to the dentist this week and when he came in he asked me how life is. I said, crazy, and he asked why. I was like, really, you want to know? And he said he did because his life is boring so he lives vicariously through his patients drama, haha! So I was like well, we are expecting our third, my oldest will be 3 in a couple weeks, the baby is going to be born with a severe heart defect, needing several surgeries and we are loosing our house so we are looking for somewhere to live (I left out Micah's stuff, I just didn't know where to stick it in). The poor hygienist, who chatted with me the whole time, basically stopped talking. I think she was in shock because I hadn't said much to her about anything other than having 3 in 3 years, but she chatted away. The dentist was a little shocked too and didn't know what to say. He eventually said something about renting and agreed that it is super expensive right now and hard to find homes. He said something about how he thinks of his mother in law who has a huge house just for her and that she should do something with it. I agreed that we need someone like that to rent to us. He then gave me a free, quick filling, for a spot that wasn't a cavity yet but he was concerned about. I felt a little guilty, like I used my crappy life circumstances to get a free filling, but whatever, I was glad I didn't have to schedule another time to come back because I don't have time for that.

We are continuing our house hunt. We are looking at both rentals and houses for sale. If we can manage to buy we could get a house almost twice the size as what we could rent for the same monthly payment. But so much more goes into buying and I'm not sure if we are ready. I love the idea of buying, we could actually decorate and make it our own, invest in it.  But I am scared after how things have gone with our townhouse in PA, and we would be needing a lot of help from our loving and generous parents. I just don't trust the market or maybe our decision making ability, I don't know, it's just scary. It is also scary not knowing exactly how much we are going to be spending out of pocket on medical stuff. Renting seems safer, but at the same time it doesn't. We'd be throwing so much money into rent, be locked into a lease and still be living in someone elses home that we could loose and have to start looking all over again. There are so many 'ifs' and 'buts' and just uncertainties, I don't know how to make a decision, but I need to at least find options first. Part of that problem is things are going off the market in a matter of days, so that decision is going to need to be made fast. 

(I wrote that ^ yesterday...)

So, speaking of fast, we actually went to look at a house for sale last night and when we got home, found out they had just gotten an offer. So we quickly looked at comps in the area, called our parents, and talked about it, and decided to put in an offer. Our offer is quite a bit under asking, but it is what we really believe the house is worth, so we are comfortable with it. I just finished writing the sappiest letter of my life to the sellers, letting them know about us and our kids, to try and convince them to take our low offer over the other one. Once again using my kids crappy circumstances for our benefit. I feel so guilty but we need a house! And I didn't say anything that isn't true. But we are pretty confident that we are not going to get it. It also needs a lot of work. If we get the house I will be stressing over getting finances in order and being able to do the work it needs before we move in, and if we don't get it I will be stressing that we are back to square one looking for a house. So I'm nervous either way. But I know whatever happens will be for the best. 

Prayer requests... We are praying that God would just make it very clear what house he wants us in. Pray for finances. Finances for a house, for medical bills, for our family and our parents who want to help out. (Pray we get our tax return tomorrow!) We are still praying for healing for Mae and for continued good progress for Micah. Pray for my pregnant aching body! Continue to pray for Tim's job. We are feeling confident in it but we need good things to come. Pray for my incredible, optimistic, faithful, easy going husband who has been my source of sanity, that he would remain strong and stead fast and of sound mind. Pray for wisdom, peace and comfort as we take each day at a time, getting ready for all that we know is to come. I praise God for the minds of my kids and the child like faith. That they are so easy going, carefree, and positive. I pray that they don't loose that. I am so thankful for all of your prayer support. Please keep praying with us and for us. We can only get through this with the strength of our Lord.