Where is 'home'?

I am so beaten down. I'm exhausted, physically, and emotionally. I am loosing this battle called life right now. I don't know how to do it. Everything is just falling apart. I can't juggle it all, it's too much. I just want to run home to my childhood bed and curl up in a ball and hide from the world, but that bed, that house, is long gone. There is no such thing as "home" any more and there is no where to hide. I'm terrified, and I'm upset. How do I give my own kids that childhood safe haven to run home to and hide when we don't even have a house? How can I protect my kids when I feel like I'm falling? If it were just one or two things I could manage, but no house, pregnant, two toddlers, son's medical stuff, paying medical bills, up at 2 am, looking for a house, going to look at houses, writing offers, waiting to hear that they were rejected, figuring out how to afford that house, figuring out how to carry our house in PA, about to give birth, about to send newborn into open heart surgery (which is followed by recovery and more surgeries and the threat of death and no hope of a normal life), all on top of normal life, bills, dog, schedules, groceries, laundry, cleaning... It is all too much. I want to give up, I want to say no, I'm not going to do it! But I can't even do that! I feel like I've hit my breaking point and just kept going. How is that even possible? Simply growing a human is giving so much of yourself. My kids keep me going, which I feel guilty about. They are loving and happy and innocent and naive. Tim is trying. He is constantly positive and optimistic and faithful. But he works all day, and he misses so much time from work for doctors appointments, I'm afraid that taking even more time for house hunting is going to just put him over some edge. I don't know, but we need his job. He's so optimistic that sometimes I feel like he doesn't grasp the severity of our situation(s). Trust me, I sit online all day, refreshing the CO MLS waiting for houses to come on the market. Don't tell me you'll look for me, I've looked. Don't tell me to expand my search, I have. There are no houses out there for us right now. We were lucky to have found three, and we lost all three. I'm still looking for rentals, which we don't even want to rent any more, but there are no rentals out there for us either. Sure, if we get desperate we can rent an apartment, we wont be "homeless", you say, but that to me is one of the worst things that could happen. We would be spending way too much on rent, be in a space that is way too small, know we would be needing to be moving again soon, all while our daughter is born and in surgery and recovery for who knows how long and who knows what our boys will be doing. That is terrifying to me. Absolutely terrifying. I need to know that we have a house, a home, that my boys will be safe and comfortable in while the rest of my world comes crumbling down with the birth of my daughter in 2 months. When she is born, our world is going to stop. And we don't know for how long, possibly years. We will be living at the hospital, Tim will probably not be able to work, I will probably not be able to be home with the boys. That in itself is terrifying. I feel like no one gets that but me. We need to be settled into somewhere before that happens. Somewhere I can leave my boys and feel somewhat ok with it. I can't feel like our home is up in the air when the life of my daughter really is up in the air. And I feel like no one understands the importance of this, and this house we are looking for. So don't tell me, "something will come up", or "if you need to you could..." That doesn't help, I need a legitimately decent house that can be our home, our safe haven, for the next 3 years. And we need it now.