One Week

I'm feeling physically very ready to give birth. I feel like a waddling ball of indigestion and contractions, though I've been told I look great... I don't actually have any belly pictures this time around (third child problems). I should probably take one this week. Every time she moves now I can tell that both of us are not very comfortable. She has very obviously dropped, also making things uncomfortable. I had one night this week that I suddenly realized that I very well could go into labor before the induction and panicked a little! In the morning I made sure I finished all of the things I would need to do if I had to leave for the hospital!

Please continue to pray. I don't even know how to pray anymore. My prayers become wordless pleas to the Lord. My mommy heart has been feeling pretty broken this week for all of my babies. For Ben, the healthy one, the oldest one, who is still only just 3 and has to share so much of his mommy. For Micah, the "baby", the "difficult one", the GSD kid, the "middle child", who is still just only 20 months old and is so attached to his mommy, yet will loose so much of the time he is used to spending with her. For my poor helpless newborn baby girl who is going to have such a rough time coming into this world, fighting for her life. Some days I hold it together pretty well, other days I just cry. Emotionally, I do not feel ready to give birth to this little one. I'm not ready to let her go. I'm not ready to see what is to come or for some of the unknowns to become known. I'm not ready for our "new normal" to begin. 

Luckily it is a long weekend. More time to get things done around the house. We both sort of forgot that Sunday is our wedding anniversary. We had already mentioned something about having a date night as one last time alone together before Maelyn is born, and then when I remembered that it is our anniversary I got a babysitter and made dinner reservations! This week, I have my last perinatal appointment, last ultrasound, last non-stress test. The nurses and sonographers at the office are sad that I'm going to have her and not becoming in to see them twice a week. My parents will be getting in mid week and we will be getting ready to leave. It is so soon.

Pray for healing. Pray for the boys. Pray for our parents. Pray for the nurses and doctors. Pray for the Children's Hospital. Pray for peace and strength and joy.