The first surgery

As I've been starting to prepare for surgery I had this moment that I realized that, it feels like I am the one that is going to have the surgery. For a couple of reasons, one because I am nursing her I am her food-lifeline, so I can't leave the hospital until she does and I will be the one with her when she comes home, 'nursing' her back to health so I will be out of commission as long as she is. But also as a mommy she is such a piece of me that my heart, my chest, aches when I think about it, so I try not to think about it. One night this week, I was in bed falling asleep and for some reason an image popped into my head of her on the operating table while they were sawing open her breast bone and opening her chest. It was horrifying. I have been trying not to think about it so I have no idea why that popped into my head. I thought about it a lot before she was born, but I didn't know her the same then. Now that she is here, I can't think about it. Somewhere on youtube there is a video of the actually surgery being preformed. I find it really interesting and would totally watch it, but I can't until her surgeries are all over with because I will picture it being her. These are the problems of being a visual person.

Over the last few months I've been wondering, how do I even prepare for open heart surgery? Sometimes I've simply ignored it and pretended it isn't going to happen. Other times I've held her close, soaked her in and prayed over her. I've cleaned, a lot. (When I get stressed out I impulse clean.) But now that it is less than a week away I am realizing I need to do things to get ready. I need to logistically prepare, not mentally. I'm just going to skip the mentally preparing for once. We've had several doctors appointments this week. I've been baking goodies to bring to the hospital and taking lots of pictures of Maelyn (as usual). We are having family photo's taken this weekend, since we still don't have any pictures of all 5 of us. I'm trying to put together a worship play list and a scripture book for myself for easy access to verses to focus on during and after surgery. We need to clean the house/basement and set up a guest room to get ready for my parents to stay here with the boys while we are gone. We also want to get the dog groomed before we leave him with my parents because he's in desperate need. I'm starting to think about packing and what we will need to stay at the hospital for a week. I'm not really preparing the boys for anything other than getting them excited for their nana and g-pa to come. So far the hospital and all of the medical stuff has been a pretty positive experience for them, so I want it to stay that way. I have a couple little things for them to get while we are gone to help entertain them, plus Micah just got birthday presents. We have one full day with my parents here before we head to the hospital so I want to have a little party to celebrate g-pa's birthday, Micah's birthday, Ben's 1/2 birhtday and Maelyn's 4 month birthday.

Maelyn is 4 months old. She is over 24 inches and 14 and a half pounds. She is very social and happy and snuggly. She is still up to nurse once a night and is just starting to get into a nap routine. She will only take good naps in her crib. I haven't been worried about getting her in to a routine because I know surgery will mess that up. She isn't rolling or sitting and she hates when I try to make her stand or use her legs, but again I'm not working on those things with her because surgery is going to delay those things anyway. Most days, she is just a normal baby. But when I think about all we have been through and all that is to come, it is over whelming. She is a blessing and a miracle. Every day with her is a blessing and proof of God's incredible power and plans. He knit her together. He knew her and had/has plans for her. He has kept her alive and He has given her these incredible 4 months of normalcy. I trust that He has her days numbered and that they are going to be many.

    

This months birthday pictures were purposefully done shirtless to document her pre-scars.

So many prayer requests with surgery approaching:

For me and Tim, peace, comfort, strength and energy. That we wouldn't think too much. That we would stay positive.
For the boys, health and happiness. That they wouldn't even notice we are gone and that they are really good for my parents. 
For my parents, health and energy!
For Maelyn, health, strength and healing. Protection during surgery. Pray against infection. Pray against complications. Pray against headaches post surgery. Pray against swelling and fluid retention. Pray for nursing and her ability to process breast milk post surgery. I know it is superficial but pray for her many scars she will have post surgery. Pray for her, that she would still be her after.
For her doctors, Adel and Alison.
For her surgeon, Max, and her anesthesiologist and other nurses.