So Micah's birthday was Sunday, Tim left on Monday for a 10 day trip to Germany, my parents left on Tuesday. On Friday I inevitably found out that I was in fact pregnant. So I did what any good wife would do. I texted my husband to let him know he had another kid on the way. He was in a meeting at the office in Germany when he got the news and texted back that he was very excited and then called as soon as he could. I had the weekend alone with the boys, to dwell by myself in the idea being pregnant. Of course morning sickness started before I even took the test.
Monday was the big day though. The day everything started with Micah's diagnosis. I took the boys to the pediatrician for Ben's 2.5 year well check and Micah's one year well check. We saw a different doctor than we had seen previously, which, as much as I liked the first doctor we saw, I was fine with seeing someone else. I'm a pretty relaxed mommy and don't tend to worry too easily. But this new doctor, a sweet, sweet, little lady, likes to tell you every little detail that is wrong with your kid! I found out a lot about my (very healthy) kids, and I called Tim immediately after to make sure I didn't forget to tell him anything. Ben, even with a few little details, was, as usual, perfectly healthy and on track. Micah though had several concerns. He had not grown even a millimeter in length since his last visit (which I still think was an error in measuring at the previous visit). I now know that the reason this was such a big deal is that it is a symptom of his disease. He has a big belly and always has. The other pediatricians we had seen never seemed to think it was a big deal but this doctor was putting several pieces together in her head. During her abdominal exam she thought something felt off but did not give me details. She just told me that because he has always had a big belly, reflux, and other little things she wanted me to take him for an abdominal ultrasound. I was not worried. I figured it was a good idea, it couldn't hurt anything, but I did not think anything would come of it.
Mid week, Tim got home and I took Micah for the ultrasound, and the tech told me his liver did look large. I was taken back because I did not know that was an option. She thought I knew that was what we were sent for and then I think she felt bad for telling me. She had to disclaim that she was not a doctor and the doctor would call me. Sure enough the doctor called and said he needed to get blood work done to figure out why his liver is enlarged. At this point I was still not super worried, it could have been a fluke, he ended up with a cold which could have made it large for the time being. So I was scheduled with a nurse to have blood drawn and was planning on going to go to a MOPS play date after. That first blood draw (attempt) was one of the worst experiences of this whole thing. We (Ben Micah and I) spent an hour at the pediatricians office. First, they didn't know why we were there at first. Then three different nurses tried and couldn't get blood. The doctor came in and talked to me for a minute. She felt around and said it still felt large. Ben was such a great big brother. He was right by Micah's side and trying to make him happy through his screaming. So we eventually left and were sent to the Children's hospital to try again. This was the point where I started worrying, simply out of frustration. It was just a traumatic experience and I knew I had to go do it again. I called Tim and said I didn't know if I could take Micah to get the blood drawn, I didn't want to see him screaming again. However I knew it needed to get done, so we went home and regrouped. They had a good lunch and nap and then I dropped Ben at my neighbors house to play with his friend while I took Micah to the hospital. The Children's hospital here has been great. We didn't wait have to wait and the tech got the blood fast and much easier than at the doctors office. He also explained that the Children's hospital is set up to use less blood for the tests, so he drew half of what the office would have needed. I was told we would have results the next day and to wait to hear back from the doctor.
A couple days later I was packing the kids into the car after a zoo trip and I got the call. It was the doctor, not a nurse, so I knew it wasn't good. She was concerned. Some of the tests she ran were ok and ruled certain things out but there were several abnormalities in his blood work. She was trying not to worry me, telling me it could still be nothing, but She didn't know what it all meant so she was sending us to a pediatric liver specialist. She even warned me not to google anything, haha. So I waited for the call to schedule an appointment with the specialist.
I think it was sometime around here where I had my one big moment of worry. Like I said, I had not been a big worrier. My worries up until this point had been the hassle, scheduling and just getting through 'unnecessary' testing. But one morning I got up and was drinking my coffee and doing my devotional and I just lost it. I just started sobbing. Feeling sorry for us, asking God why we had to go through all of this, fretting about the future. Worrying that it was something big, worrying Micah was really sick and worst was going to die. What would Ben do without his brother, how would I explain it to him, how would I cope with out my sweetie? And the peace of Jesus washed over me and reminded me that I do not have to worry, these thoughts are pointless and useless and God has us. He reminded me that Micah is HIS, not mine. Micah was a 'surprise' gift from God to us. He was created for a purpose and maybe this has to do with his purpose in life. Even if God were to take him home, it would be ok because he is Gods child. And lastly God reminded me that Micah has no real symptoms, he does not seem sick, he is still a healthy little boy who had just woken up and was babbling in his crib, so instead of wallowing, why don't you get up and go spend time with him?! It was kind of like God kicked me in the butt and was like, stop it stupid and go love on your babies like I have called you to! I still have moments were I start to worry, or feel upset about everything but these are truths. I know God has a plan for us and He is in control. Micah is God's creation and God will use him how he wants and God is good.
A few weeks later we went to the Children's hospital and met with the liver specialist. Luckily my neighbor was able to watch Ben again and Tim was able to come to the appointment with us. She talked a lot, gathered history from us and examined Micah. I felt a little bit like a deer in headlights, just not knowing what to expect and trying to understand all the medical terms while still not worrying and hoping everything was just a fluke. She agreed Micah's liver was still rather enlarged. I was relieved to hear that she had a few different ideas of what it could be, not that I knew what they were, but she needed more blood work. She warned us that the next likely step would be a liver biopsy, which would mean anesthesia and a night in the hospital. We had the blood drawn at the hospital and it went smoothly. We prayed the blood work would come back fine and we would not need to biopsy. I was worrying about the biopsy, I could not imagine how we would get though it.
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