Reality Sinking In

I am starting to come down from my high on the fact that Maelyn is going to come home. Since meeting with the fetal cardiologist I've just been in this happy cloud of the "good news". I went to my MOPS group and was so happy to tell people she is now expected to live. It felt like her heart issues are nothing. And yesterday I went to women's bible study and got to happily tell the women at my table that I'm having a baby girl in June. I left everything else out. 

I started researching the surgeries she is going to need and the life expectancy. They really don't have enough data about long term outcomes, but I think I saw somewhere it's about 80% survival rate for the first 10 years. After that no one can say. Now the reality of, she is going to need open heart surgery, is starting to sink in. Watching Micah go through the liver biopsy was so hard. I never wanted to see one of my babies go through surgery again. Now picturing sending my miracle girl into the OR for them to spread open her chest is going to call for so much more. More of God's strength and grace and love and healing. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Maelyn's whole life, day to day, she will live with the risk of sudden heart failure. How am I going to let her go to school, go to sleepovers, let her out of my sight? I know everyday of her life will be special and meaningful, but they will also be stressful and cautious. I'm trying not to worry about it, there is nothing I can do about it but take it one day at a time and continue to trust God. But I do need to come to terms with what life is going to be like. 

I still believe she has 4 months left to grow and for her heart to heal. I am excited to go back for more ultrasounds in a few weeks and see how much she has changed. I know God can heal her. But I also know that if He doesn't it's because He has other plans to use her life with a broken heart. I just need to prepare myself for that life too. 

Pray for Ben and Micah. They are such amazing boys. I am already worrying about having to be away from them so much for her surgeries. Pray for Tim and I, that we would be able to make time for us in all of this chaos. Pray that God would heal Maelyn's broken heart.