Busy Busy Busy

Life has been moving so fast. I can't believe it's mid October. We have all be very busy. Ben is loving pre-K, Maelyn is still in physical therapy and Micah's just a three year old. If you've ever had a three year old boy, you get it. Tim has been traveling and also transitioning to working from home. I've been keeping myself super busy too. I've painted almost every room in the house and went through a major sewing kick thanks to Joann's fleece sale. I made the whole family matching fleece pants for Christmas! I'm so excited. And I made myself two other pairs of what I call 'Blanket Pants', they are amazing! When Tim travels I have a hard time sleeping because the bed is cold, so I usually wrap myself in a blanket before I get into bed, but with these pants I don't have to do that! And when I was buying the fleece at the store the lady asked me who I was making a blanket for and I was like, "oh, no, pants, for me". And she was like, "oh, pants? ok...".  Hence, blanket pants. Just wait, it will catch on.

On top of MOPS leadership and bible study, I'm officially joining our churches women's ministry team. I'm really excited to see where God leads me with that. I've also decided that I am going to try to really start writing, like books. I have super basic outlines started but now I have to figure out how to actually write them. I said this when I started this blog, and I still feel the same way, I am not a writer! I've never felt gifted in this arena, but I feel God calling me this way so we will see what comes out of it. I am blessed to have a friend who has volunteered to help me! So I am super excited to see where God leads us with this! Since our big summer trip I've severely neglected my Norwex business and it is on the brink of extinction, so I'm trying to get that going again.

We've been very grateful for this medical lull we've been in, where we can feel more normal and can be busy with things other than medical appointments. Both Micah and Maelyn have their appointments at Childrens in mid November, so start praying for those that they both get good reports and prognosis. We are hoping Maelyn's appointment will give us more information about the upcoming surgery. As much as we are dreading it, I think both Tim and I are anxious to get it over with and move past it. Having this major surgery, major life event, looming ahead of us but not really knowing when or what to expect has been hard. I've been bugging Tim for a beach vacation for years now because I love the beach. I haven't been in years and I feel like I need to go to refresh and ground myself to prepare for this next big life event. I'm to the point where I was looking into going by myself and leaving Tim home with the kids. We are trying to figure it out logistically and financially. Having a love for the beach is not ideal when you live dead center of the continent. But again, we will see what God has planned. These last couple of years has really taught us to just trust God for the plans and the bigger picture. I like to think we are getting good at it, but really it is never easy.

Behold, blanket pants!
And yes that is a little front pocket for my phone.

October 1

One year. This year has been long and hard but full of healing and growth. It has been one year since Maelyn's first surgery. Maelyn has come so far and grown so much. She started walking this week. She is starting to talk a ton. She has a pony tail! She is a toddler now. She is almost caught up on all normal developmental milestones. She is a miracle. Her oxygen saturation is still in the low 80's. She will have another hard open heart surgery in the next year. But she is strong willed, courageous, determined, self aware, silly, loving, affectionate and trusting. And those things make for an incredible warrior.

I've been wrestling with how to share my story and is it even my story to share, or is it my kids? But God has been showing me that I have my own story to tell and He has called me to do it. And Micah and Maelyn will have their own stories to share in their own time and they are going to be different than mine. I need to share all that God has taught me these last few years. God is calling me to tell my story, well actually His story, our story, of a mothers heart break but God's faithfulness, God's strength, and God's goodness. I have been trying to tell God that it's not time, I'm not ready, and He has been saying, it is always the time to share about me and of course you are not ready, you will never be ready, but I am ready to use you. So I'm going to start to write more and for the first time I'm going to stand up in front of a (small) group of women and share about my mothers heart. And I am so excited/nervous.

Not only is this the one year anniversary of her surgery but we also just had the two year anniversary of Micah's diagnosis. After my last post I realized that, as much as I love fall, fall has always been a hard season of life for me. It always brings the most change, which I hate, and it bring that sense of life and death, of mortality. But the reason I love fall regardless of all of all of that, is Jesus. God was able to give hope, beauty, new life and hope in the face of death. And isn't that is basically the story of our lives? With Jesus, there is no fear.

Let it fall

One of my favorite kid books is so simple but I just love it. It is called Let It Fall, by Maryann Cocca Leffler. It gives me warm fuzzies because it reminds me of Pennsylvania and I love fall. As I sit here editing this post, sipping tea, the wind is blowing, the leafs are rustling and the grass is covered in yellow. Fall just has a feeling in the air that I can't put into words. This year though, I wasn't sure I was ready for fall. This summer has been a whirl wind and it has hugely significant in my life. I feel like I've come out of my shell shock and stepped into the light again. I feel like I'm back, but I wasn't sure if fall would be too much to handle. As much as I love fall, I wasn't sure I was ready for the business of fall or the anniversary of Maelyn's surgery. But getting back into routine and getting involved in things has made me realize more and more that I am back and I am surprising ready for fall! Ben has started preschool, MOPS and Bible study have started. Maelyn is still in PT and Micah just had a birthday! The anniversary of surgery is not looming over me like I thought it was going to. Granted, I've been pretty distracted... 

I had been intentionally putting off updating the blog because August and September were, well, crazy. Tim and I realized that our life was just never meant to be low key, we will probably always be in a little bit of crazy, and I need to be ok with that. We literally sat down one night and had a discussion about how I would like this coming year to be uncrazy, settled and restful, while investing in our community, before we approach another surgery in the spring/summer. I can not make this stuff up folks, the very next morning, Tim went into work to find out that his company is shutting down all of Denver. That's right, all SMA America employees in Denver are going to be let go this fall. All, that is, except the 4 product managers (= Tim). At first they told Tim that they wanted to keep him on but move him to California. So I went into a little bit of panic mode, we are not, can not, move to California! Then the same day (again I can not make this stuff up) a friend sent Tim a message about a potential job on the east coast. So in one day it went from, let's really settle in here in Colorado, to, oh Lord what are you doing!? We have to move? California? There was also talk of a job in Washington (state.)? Or east coast? Can Tim just find another job locally? Do we want to stay here? Do we really want to move? Needless to say it was a huge shock but God is good and He has been giving us so much peace and as much patience as I can handle. He has been opening and closing doors and changing our hearts in the process. As of right now Tim has negotiated with his current company to stay on with them and work remotely from home, here in Colorado. This has been a huge blessing and relief. Tim is still keeping an eye out for possibilities to move us back east, however, with fall here and anticipation of another surgery, we are not feeling eager to move. This has all been so confusing. Since we moved to Colorado I have been begging God to either get me back east, or change my heart for Colorado. And after two and a half years of waiting on that prayer, it feels like He kind of gave me both and showed me how much my heart has changed for Colorado. But seriously, what do I do with that!? Isn't God funny. He always answers our prayers but almost never how we ask Him to. So the last 6 weeks or so we have been trying to figure out what we are doing. We've been getting the house ready, for either selling or staying. We've been praying for wisdom. We've been celebrating Micah! We've been busy. We've been kind of crazy, and I'm sure there is more craziness to come...

It is autumn, let it fall. 

Maelyn is (over) 14 months old

This is a bit late but I wanted to give a 14 month update on Maelyn because she is growing up so fast! All of a sudden she turned 14 months old and she has started to get words and lots of personality. She will let you know when she is upset or doesn't like something and she can be very stubborn (all mostly when I tell her no). She also started moving! We had been doing physical therapy for almost 4 months and progress was very slow. Then we got home from our trip to NY and she started cruising and crawling and then pulling her self up. It's like it all clicked and within about a week! So she's now fully mobile, without walking independently, but I'm sure that will come soon. It is a little scary though because she can be very adventurous and has no fear. Her new thing is trying to climb up the stairs just so she can try to throw herself back down, and she gets very upset when I don't let her. She also has gotten more hair and is starting to loose some of those luscious cheeks. She loves to laugh (especially with her brothers), dance and play peek. She is starting to do more intentional play, using blocks and cars. Her favorite thing to play right now is kitchen set. Her other favorite thing lately is our new kitty! Yes, PS, the day after we got home from vacation we adopted a kitten. The kids absolutely love her and she is very good with them. 

"Maelyn. No, no..."

Ben and his kitten.
Does this look familiar mom and dad? 

  

Me and my kitten in 1994(?)