First 24 hours in Honolulu

I am sitting here, in the sand, in Honolulu. (Pardon any errors, I'm on my phone and it's hard to see). I can not get over the blessing that this is. I can't get over Gods greatness. First just that's I'm here and second His creation. The way the water moves, the colors in the waves and sand, the trees that grow up but also reach down to earth. Gods splendor in real live. I can't fathom what his thrown in heaven looks like but I imagine it has all of these elements. It's also the people. All walks of life swarming to this place just to see this beauty. As I sit here, I can't even read as I had planned to do. Because I can't keep my eyes down. I just want to stare at Gods glory. It's like I can see how much he loves us all. He made each grain of sand and every wave that comes ashore, why? To give life to this earth. To bring beauty to a fallen land. And hopefully to remind us to run away from sin and run to Him. This earth we have is incredible but only because He gave it to us. 

If only I could see this same beauty in the mountains like some people do 😉. So what have I actually done since being here? Tim and I walked down the beach a little ways to a nice restaurant and had a big seafood dinner. Then we went to sleep early and enjoyed a full nights rest! This morning I did a little shopping for food and other necessities as well as a lot of window shopping for souvenirs. I took the resorts walking tour which consisted of touring lots of local shops and eating free samples (aka my lunch). Today was supposed to be rainy but it's actually pretty nice. Of course it just started raining on me... but it's ok because it's 80 degrees and sunny. And I thought CO weather was weird.  So I'm working on my tan (in the rain) and not reading (per the plan). 

I can't get pictures to post right now so check my Instagram.

So many blessings

I've been meaning to write this update for awhile but haven't found the right time. Tim has been traveling for work a lot this month, so I've had my hands full. Let's see, I'll go back and start with Halloween. This year I was finally able to put together coordinating costumes for the whole family and it was so fun! I was a 50's house wife in an apron with a spatula, Ben was a doughnut, Micah was a cookie, Maelyn was a cupcake and Tim was flour. We went to a trunk or treat at our church and took the kids trick or treating there. They had a blast and were overwhelmed by the people everywhere and the costumes and the candy! Tim took them home after we hit up a bunch of trunks and the Arvada Fire truck! I stayed and helped with our MOPS bake sale. I went outside and walked around with bake sale items and I think some people thought it was just part of my costume... Then on Halloween we walked up the street, stopping at a couple houses, to Ben's preschool church where they were doing a smaller trunk or treat and then stopped at a few more houses on the way back home. I love handing out candy at our house. It was a beautiful warm evening too, so I was able to sit on the front porch and really enjoy the night. It was a really fun Halloween. The next day we put up the kids Christmas tree, and the lights on the house. The weather here has been so warm this fall that I have not been as eager for the Christmas season as usual. We did have snow this past weekend, and that has gotten me ready! We will be getting our big tree and finishing decorating this week!

This past week both Micah and Maelyn had their specialist followups at the Children's Hospital. I was nervous going into the week. It's been so nice to be feeling normal lately and I just didn't want to get back into 'doctor talk' or for anything to come up requiring more appointments. But they both had great reviews! They are both in the clear for the next 6 months! Maelyn's next visit, in April, will be scheduling pre-surgery testing and surgery for late summer. However we did get to ok to go ahead and plan an early summer vacation. So both appointments went great and left us feeling good about their health and also left us just in awe of the miracles God has done in their lives. God is good, and God is healer. Continue to pray with us for more healing and more medical miracles. 

Maelyn turns 18 months old this week and I'm feeling kind of emotional about it. 18 months is a huge developmental milestone and it is really hitting me that my miracle baby girl is not a baby anymore. It's so good and so huge. It's feeling as big as her first birthday. She's starting to walk more and talking more (it's so cute). She loves everybody's shoes and socks. She is already starting to help dress herself. She loves talking on the phone and playing trucks. She still loves hugs and snuggles and her lovies. 

Celebrating Thanksgiving is so special to me. Every year I have more and more to be thankful for. I am so incredibly thankful to God for my kids and their miracles. I am so thankful for my partner in life, my best friend, my other half, my husband. I am so thankful for our home and our family and friends. I am so thankful for my kitty and my dog, I love them too! And this year I am so thankful for all of our answered prayers. The biggest answered prayer this year is that God has given Tim and I the opportunity to go to Hawaii together, kid free (thanks mom and dad!). I have been praying for so long to get to the beach, to be able to spend time by the ocean. As Ben would say, enjoy the salty breezes. Sink my toes in the sand and just sit in peace and read. And God has blown me away with his fulfillment of this request of mine. Hawaii has only ever been a distant dream, but next week I get to get on a plane (and sit for 7 hours, with no kids on my lap, hallelujah), and then spend 5 days on the beach in Honolulu. Tim will be working for three of those days so I get to literally sit by myself and read on the beach. I AM PUMPED! THANK YOU LORD! I will miss the kids. It will be hard leaving Maelyn for 6 days. But... This momma needs a break and this is the best break I could dream up! 

Busy Busy Busy

Life has been moving so fast. I can't believe it's mid October. We have all be very busy. Ben is loving pre-K, Maelyn is still in physical therapy and Micah's just a three year old. If you've ever had a three year old boy, you get it. Tim has been traveling and also transitioning to working from home. I've been keeping myself super busy too. I've painted almost every room in the house and went through a major sewing kick thanks to Joann's fleece sale. I made the whole family matching fleece pants for Christmas! I'm so excited. And I made myself two other pairs of what I call 'Blanket Pants', they are amazing! When Tim travels I have a hard time sleeping because the bed is cold, so I usually wrap myself in a blanket before I get into bed, but with these pants I don't have to do that! And when I was buying the fleece at the store the lady asked me who I was making a blanket for and I was like, "oh, no, pants, for me". And she was like, "oh, pants? ok...".  Hence, blanket pants. Just wait, it will catch on.

On top of MOPS leadership and bible study, I'm officially joining our churches women's ministry team. I'm really excited to see where God leads me with that. I've also decided that I am going to try to really start writing, like books. I have super basic outlines started but now I have to figure out how to actually write them. I said this when I started this blog, and I still feel the same way, I am not a writer! I've never felt gifted in this arena, but I feel God calling me this way so we will see what comes out of it. I am blessed to have a friend who has volunteered to help me! So I am super excited to see where God leads us with this! Since our big summer trip I've severely neglected my Norwex business and it is on the brink of extinction, so I'm trying to get that going again.

We've been very grateful for this medical lull we've been in, where we can feel more normal and can be busy with things other than medical appointments. Both Micah and Maelyn have their appointments at Childrens in mid November, so start praying for those that they both get good reports and prognosis. We are hoping Maelyn's appointment will give us more information about the upcoming surgery. As much as we are dreading it, I think both Tim and I are anxious to get it over with and move past it. Having this major surgery, major life event, looming ahead of us but not really knowing when or what to expect has been hard. I've been bugging Tim for a beach vacation for years now because I love the beach. I haven't been in years and I feel like I need to go to refresh and ground myself to prepare for this next big life event. I'm to the point where I was looking into going by myself and leaving Tim home with the kids. We are trying to figure it out logistically and financially. Having a love for the beach is not ideal when you live dead center of the continent. But again, we will see what God has planned. These last couple of years has really taught us to just trust God for the plans and the bigger picture. I like to think we are getting good at it, but really it is never easy.

Behold, blanket pants!
And yes that is a little front pocket for my phone.

October 1

One year. This year has been long and hard but full of healing and growth. It has been one year since Maelyn's first surgery. Maelyn has come so far and grown so much. She started walking this week. She is starting to talk a ton. She has a pony tail! She is a toddler now. She is almost caught up on all normal developmental milestones. She is a miracle. Her oxygen saturation is still in the low 80's. She will have another hard open heart surgery in the next year. But she is strong willed, courageous, determined, self aware, silly, loving, affectionate and trusting. And those things make for an incredible warrior.

I've been wrestling with how to share my story and is it even my story to share, or is it my kids? But God has been showing me that I have my own story to tell and He has called me to do it. And Micah and Maelyn will have their own stories to share in their own time and they are going to be different than mine. I need to share all that God has taught me these last few years. God is calling me to tell my story, well actually His story, our story, of a mothers heart break but God's faithfulness, God's strength, and God's goodness. I have been trying to tell God that it's not time, I'm not ready, and He has been saying, it is always the time to share about me and of course you are not ready, you will never be ready, but I am ready to use you. So I'm going to start to write more and for the first time I'm going to stand up in front of a (small) group of women and share about my mothers heart. And I am so excited/nervous.

Not only is this the one year anniversary of her surgery but we also just had the two year anniversary of Micah's diagnosis. After my last post I realized that, as much as I love fall, fall has always been a hard season of life for me. It always brings the most change, which I hate, and it bring that sense of life and death, of mortality. But the reason I love fall regardless of all of all of that, is Jesus. God was able to give hope, beauty, new life and hope in the face of death. And isn't that is basically the story of our lives? With Jesus, there is no fear.

Let it fall

One of my favorite kid books is so simple but I just love it. It is called Let It Fall, by Maryann Cocca Leffler. It gives me warm fuzzies because it reminds me of Pennsylvania and I love fall. As I sit here editing this post, sipping tea, the wind is blowing, the leafs are rustling and the grass is covered in yellow. Fall just has a feeling in the air that I can't put into words. This year though, I wasn't sure I was ready for fall. This summer has been a whirl wind and it has hugely significant in my life. I feel like I've come out of my shell shock and stepped into the light again. I feel like I'm back, but I wasn't sure if fall would be too much to handle. As much as I love fall, I wasn't sure I was ready for the business of fall or the anniversary of Maelyn's surgery. But getting back into routine and getting involved in things has made me realize more and more that I am back and I am surprising ready for fall! Ben has started preschool, MOPS and Bible study have started. Maelyn is still in PT and Micah just had a birthday! The anniversary of surgery is not looming over me like I thought it was going to. Granted, I've been pretty distracted... 

I had been intentionally putting off updating the blog because August and September were, well, crazy. Tim and I realized that our life was just never meant to be low key, we will probably always be in a little bit of crazy, and I need to be ok with that. We literally sat down one night and had a discussion about how I would like this coming year to be uncrazy, settled and restful, while investing in our community, before we approach another surgery in the spring/summer. I can not make this stuff up folks, the very next morning, Tim went into work to find out that his company is shutting down all of Denver. That's right, all SMA America employees in Denver are going to be let go this fall. All, that is, except the 4 product managers (= Tim). At first they told Tim that they wanted to keep him on but move him to California. So I went into a little bit of panic mode, we are not, can not, move to California! Then the same day (again I can not make this stuff up) a friend sent Tim a message about a potential job on the east coast. So in one day it went from, let's really settle in here in Colorado, to, oh Lord what are you doing!? We have to move? California? There was also talk of a job in Washington (state.)? Or east coast? Can Tim just find another job locally? Do we want to stay here? Do we really want to move? Needless to say it was a huge shock but God is good and He has been giving us so much peace and as much patience as I can handle. He has been opening and closing doors and changing our hearts in the process. As of right now Tim has negotiated with his current company to stay on with them and work remotely from home, here in Colorado. This has been a huge blessing and relief. Tim is still keeping an eye out for possibilities to move us back east, however, with fall here and anticipation of another surgery, we are not feeling eager to move. This has all been so confusing. Since we moved to Colorado I have been begging God to either get me back east, or change my heart for Colorado. And after two and a half years of waiting on that prayer, it feels like He kind of gave me both and showed me how much my heart has changed for Colorado. But seriously, what do I do with that!? Isn't God funny. He always answers our prayers but almost never how we ask Him to. So the last 6 weeks or so we have been trying to figure out what we are doing. We've been getting the house ready, for either selling or staying. We've been praying for wisdom. We've been celebrating Micah! We've been busy. We've been kind of crazy, and I'm sure there is more craziness to come...

It is autumn, let it fall. 

Maelyn is (over) 14 months old

This is a bit late but I wanted to give a 14 month update on Maelyn because she is growing up so fast! All of a sudden she turned 14 months old and she has started to get words and lots of personality. She will let you know when she is upset or doesn't like something and she can be very stubborn (all mostly when I tell her no). She also started moving! We had been doing physical therapy for almost 4 months and progress was very slow. Then we got home from our trip to NY and she started cruising and crawling and then pulling her self up. It's like it all clicked and within about a week! So she's now fully mobile, without walking independently, but I'm sure that will come soon. It is a little scary though because she can be very adventurous and has no fear. Her new thing is trying to climb up the stairs just so she can try to throw herself back down, and she gets very upset when I don't let her. She also has gotten more hair and is starting to loose some of those luscious cheeks. She loves to laugh (especially with her brothers), dance and play peek. She is starting to do more intentional play, using blocks and cars. Her favorite thing to play right now is kitchen set. Her other favorite thing lately is our new kitty! Yes, PS, the day after we got home from vacation we adopted a kitten. The kids absolutely love her and she is very good with them. 

"Maelyn. No, no..."

Ben and his kitten.
Does this look familiar mom and dad? 

  

Me and my kitten in 1994(?)

Sorry for the silence

After Maelyn's birthday we went into summer mode and were getting ready to leave home for a whole month. That's right, we road tripped it from CO to NY. 1 minivan, 2 adults, 3 kids, 1 dog, and then spent 4 weeks there. We spent three weeks at Tim's grandmother's lake house on Cayuga Lake. The first two weeks were family time for us. It was great to have time just the 5 of us, enjoying our favorite place and feeling so normal! I realized that, for the first time in two years, we were able to finally have real family time. Time away from home, away from doctors, away from work, and it felt so good! We had so much fun having the kids experience the things we love. The lake, fishing, kayaking, boating, exploring the trees and the gully. They loved it too. We got to have some days with grandparents too which was fun! The third week were at the lake was the 4th holiday and was filled with family and extra fun! The kids got to spend time with cousins and loved having so many 'friends' around! The last week we were at my parents house. My sister and her family surprised us by flying in for the weekend! So we got to see all of our family, it was incredible. We were so blessed by seeing our kids with not only their grandparents but all of their cousins and all of their aunts and uncles, and both of their great grandmothers. Plus all of the other friends and family who came out to see us. It was an amazing trip. It was so great, but after 4 weeks away we were all ready to come home. The boys really missed their toys. I really missed my bed. The whole (very long) ride home we kept telling the boys to hang in there because we are headed home! And they were so happy to be home! They destroyed their play room as soon as they woke up (we got home around midnight). So we have been home for a week. We all came home with a cold, which has made adjusting to the time difference, catching up on sleep and getting back into normal routine hard. But it feels really good to be home! (Even though we miss being at the lake.)

Maelyn's Birthday

I'm having trouble finding the words... so I'm just going to post pictures. 

Maelyn is turning 1

Maelyn is about to have her first birthday. Our miracle angel baby is about to be one year old. For a year I carried around the weight of thinking we wouldn't see the day. That is a heavy burden to bare. But I've finally let that go, and picked up joy and hope and new life. First birthdays are always a big milestone. Babies turn into toddlers, mothers get nostalgic of the day they went into labor, and so many family dynamics change. But for us, for me, for Maelyn, it means so much more. There was so much fear and uncertainty and grief and stress and 'what's-to-comes' when she was born. I was not certain she would see her first birthday, so I never let myself go there. And she's been through so much. Her first year of life has been so much more than most babies go through. But here she is. She is still fighting, she's still at lower oxygen saturation, she takes asprin every day, she gets weekly physical therapy, she has cardiology follow ups, she will have another open heart surgery, but, she is just perfect. She is silly, loving, and friendly. She is easy going and mellow, but stubborn and spunky. She loves her big brothers and her doggy. She loves playing ball and eating, she loves eating. She loves music and clapping. And she is so beautiful. Her birthday means so much more because it means new life. It means hope and future. It means I have a daughter, and I get to watch her grow up. It mean's she survived. It means she can do this, she can live with a heart that wasn't supposed to work. It means we get to have more birthdays with her. It means the world to me. 

I am not even sure how to adequately celebrate such a meaningful event. But then I remember, I don't have to, because we will have next year too. We have lots of fun family days planned this month and we are having a small, hearts and ice cream themed, birthday party at our house with friends. We are having an ice cream sunday bar and (hopfully if I can make them) ice cream cone cup cakes! The boys can't wait, they keep asking if it is her birthday yet so that they can eat special ice cream. We had some pictures taken, I can't wait to see them! And then after her her birthday, we will start getting ready for our big summer trip to NY, where we will hopefully get to celebrate with more family. 

Congenital Heart Defect research is really lacking. There is only 10-20 years of research available. This makes it difficult for doctors and families, because such little information is known. We don't know what Maelyn's future holds, because there are not many people out there with her kind of heart that are any older than me. For her birthday, I'd like to ask you to think about making a donation to help us celebrate her life.  She could always use more girly clothes or toys, and we could always take help paying off her medical bills, but really how awesome would it be to help other CHD kids and families find the same hope we've found? Donations to the Children's Hospital Colorado at http://www.childrenscoloradofoundation.org/ or to the Children's Heart Foundation at http://www.childrensheartfoundation.org/make-research-donation would be incredible gifts. You can also make easy donations when you shop from Amazon by going to smile.amazon.com and selecting either of those organizations. And as always, know that I am most thankful for your prayers. Praise God for giving us life and giving it to the full.

How we are living

Ok, now that you know what's been going on with me, it's easier to update you on the whole family. We are all actually doing really well! We've been very busy (...busier than I like to be). I've had several appointments for me. I like to have evenings home, most every night, but evenings is when I've been taking care of me. Plus we've been busy with fun stuff. Tim and I had birthdays this month! Plus we celebrated friends birthdays and we have started community group again. I've been attending morning bible study and MOPS at our church. The boys are great. Ben loves school and learning and Micah loves trying to out-talk Ben. Micah's trying to figure out to hold his own against his older brother. They are both great big brothers and love Maelyn to pieces (sometimes too much). Maelyn is 11 months old. 11. months. old. phew. She loves to eat finger foods, she can out eat her brothers. She also loves books, anything with a face and anything her brothers are playing with. She started physical therapy for gross motor. At 10 months old, she assessed at a 5/6 month level, a 50% delay. Basically she sits. She doesn't crawl, roll or even scoot. She just started to be ok with being on her tummy and to like standing (but she has no balance). Maelyn also had a cardiologist follow up appointment this month. She did great. Her doctor said everything looks good. We have heard a lot of different timelines for her next surgery. The last we had heard was, when she is 3. But at this appointment her doctor said he thinks next summer. So that was news. Not that is necessarily good or bad news, and it's not even for sure, but it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. It was hard for me to hear. I usually get by by pretending that it isn't happening, or that it is super far away, so hearing "next summer" freaked me out. But I'm working through it. Maelyn's first birthday is also approaching fast! Which I think also had me in a weird funk, but after some praying and healing, I've let go of the burden I have been carrying of feeling like I wouldn't see the day, and instead just celebrating with JOY. We are all choosing joy, and living a life to the fullest. We have so much planned for the summer, so much ahead of us, and so much life to live!

Train museum and lolly pops 

Puff picnic with eachother

PJ - movie day (Micah opted to change out of his PJs)

11 month old! Standing up, growing hair, starting to loose those cheeks...

Honesty time

I've had every intention to maintain my blog and keep posting. My goal was twice a month. It has not been so easy since Maelyn recovered from surgery. I can blame that on everyone being well and not having numerous doctors appointments to catch you up on, but the reality is that I have not been able to post because it is me who is fighting now. It is easy to write about my kids and my family, but it is hard to write about myself. I want to be writing about the glorious Faithfulness of the light at the end of the tunnel, that was the year of 2015. But I'm struggling to live in it myself. 

2015 was a dark year. We walked through the shadow of death, we went through hell and back. We felt like Job, everything was being stripped away. But we survived. Not only that but we came out victorious. We came out with life, with prosperity, with redemption, with testimony. Living proof that Jesus over came the grave. How awesome is that?! 

And yet, I've been a mess these last several month. The only way I got through that whole year was the holy spirit, and fight or flight coping mechanisms, and then I crashed and I crashed hard. It started in November. Once we were "back to normal". I didn't know how to be normal. I didn't know how to not be in flight or flight mode any more. I didn't know how to process everything we went through. I've been carrying it all around like a giant weights that I didn't know how to get off of me. And the enemy was in my head repeating lies over and over again. By January I was in a very dark place. In February I tried to take a trip to NY to get away from everything. It didn't work. In March Tim was gone for 2 weeks and I just broke. It was a turning point. I was honest with him about how truly hard life was beating on me, how horrible I was feeling, that I was having a hard time getting through each day and that I couldn't do it alone. He agreed to try to stop traveling for awhile and to help me get help. 

I don't want to be ashamed or feel guilty, I want to be honest because it is reality. Depression is not something to be hidden, it should be brought into the light, where Jesus can heal and where accountability can hold us up. I'm only able to write this because I am healing. I am in a better place and most importantly, I am getting help. I've been seeing a therapist/pastor and a medical doctor. Both of while have been very supportive and helpful. I just found out that I have a the genetic disorder that predisposes one to depression. This was actually a relief to hear. I've wrestled with depression my whole life and now it all makes sense. I will not be using it as an excuse to be depressed but as a reason to fight harder and get the help I need, when I need it. That being said, Jesus has been my ultimate healer and helper. Jesus us the one who got me through past bouts of depression and He is the one healing me now. Through healing prayer with my therapist and through the name of Jesus, the weights are slowly coming off. 

I have a 4 year old!?

Luckily, I have not had much to write about lately. But we spent the month of March preparing for Ben's birthday. Because his birthday was on Easter, I think I over compensated... Tim was gone for two weeks in the middle of the month so my parents came out to visit while he was gone. We had a little celebration for Ben while they were here and he kept calling it his pretend birthday. He got a special birthday boy t-shirt and he wore it when we went to the train museum. When we go home he got a couple presents from nana and g-pa and then had cupcakes.

 Then the week of his real birthday we had a combined birthday party with friends who's son turned 4 the day before Ben. We went to a play center with friends and had pizza and cupcakes. Driving home from this, an exhausted Ben called from the back seat of the van, "mommy, am I four yet?"... 
Then the day before his birthday we had our family birthday day with presents, facetimeing with family and more cupcakes. 

And then by the morning of his actual birthday I was in Easter mode and kind of forgot that it was the actual day! In the morning we gave Easter baskets and got dressed in our Easter clothes, then I remembered! I asked Ben what he wanted for breakfast and told him he could have anything he wanted because it was his birthday, and he chose pepperoni. I don't know why, I don't know where he thought of it, but I had some, so he had pepperoni for breakfast on his 4th birthday. Ben got to wear his birthday boy pin to church and we ran to the grocery store for cake after nap time! We had an Easter dinner at our house with friends and had a little egg hunt in the family room for the 4 boys (Ben being the oldest). Then some more friends joined us for cake and a game night. Everyone made Ben feel very special. It was a great Easter. Ben is very happy to finally be four. 

Homemade body care products

I have had a few inquiries on my homemade body care stuff. So I took some time to compile a list and decided to post it here! I enjoy playing with this stuff and trying different recipes and products, so I usually just wing it. I get a lot of my ingredients at costco, some the grocery store or natural grocer. I use Young Living essential oils, because I don't trust store brand oils. I just ordered shae butter off amazon. So if you are interested, enjoy!


Homemade Lotion

1 part shae butter

1 part grape seed oil (or other oil of your choice but I found grape seed absorbs nicely)

A few drops of essential oil of your choice, (about 5 drops per cup?)

Whip together in a small blender (melt shae butter in microwave first if it is too hard or if it doesn't blend smooth)

Scent suggestions; lavender is the go to, but tea tree and frankincense are also great for skin issues.

Citrus smells nice but can be harmful to skin when in the sun.

Store in a shallow container or small mason jar.

Homemade Bodywash

1 part melted coconut oil 

1 part raw honey

1 part Dr Bronners liquid castile soap

I melt the oil in the microwave in a mason jar then add the ingredients to the jar. You can used the lines on the jar to measure. Easy and less messy. Then you just put the lid on, gently shake to mix and store in your shower for use! The honey usually separates so just shake gently before use. 

Scent suggestions; Dr Bronners makes different scents as well as unscented. Take your pick, I like citrus or lavender (just don't use peppermint in the shower).

Homemade hand soap

Foaming hand soap dispenser (I use old Method ones)

Fill 1/3 with Dr Bronners liquid castile soap

Fill the remaining 2/3 with water

Add extra essential oils for different scents

Gently shake to mix. Our favorite scent is peppermint with some added citrus. 

The castile soap can build up on sink basins, use some dish soap to gently clean.  

Kids bath salts

About 1 part epsom salt to 1 part baking soda, (I might use slightly more salts, the ratio is really up to you) and lavender essential oil.

I throw this together in a big plastic container (currently an old oxiclean tub) and mix with my hands. In the oxiclean tub I probably use about 20 drops of oil. I used to just make a mason jar worth and only used 3-5 drops of oil. Keep the jar sealed and dry, moisture will make the whole thing go really hard.

I add between a 1/8 - 1/3 cup of this to the tub every time I give the kids a bath. It's detoxifying and relaxing, plus great for diaper rash and any other private issues kids might develop. 

Homemade hand scrub

Again I just wing it when I make it so I'll have to measure next time! This is great for dry cracked hands. It exfoliates and moisturizes. Lotions will absorb much better after using a scrub. For my super dry CO winter hands I'll use this and then put on pure shae butter. 

~ 1 cup of brown sugar (you can also use white but I prefer brown)
~ 1/4 cup of an oil of your choice (sweet almond is great, also grape seed or olive would work well)
Plus any essential oils to make it smell yummy!

Mix and store in a small mason jar and keep it by the kitchen sink!

Scent suggestions. I'm a go to lavender person but I get sick of it quickly because I use it so much. So other combos I have that friends have suggested are almond and orange, and Douglas fir and grape fruit, which is really fresh great! 

I've tried different homemade, in shower, body scrubs made with epsom salts, oils and/or coffee and honey. However I have not found any I like. So once I make one I like I'll share!

The month of February

I realize I didn't post at all the month of February. This blog was started to be able to keep friends and family updated on our lives and I didn't really have anything to update. I was also able to take a trip, just Maelyn and I, to NY to visit friends and family there, so they got to meet Mae and see us instead of just reading about us! Maelyn and I had a very busy but fun week. We got to see people I haven't seen in years and we got to meet people who have been praying for us so much this last year. She did great being off her schedule and in new places. We were there over Valentines day and Tim was home with the boys all week. They had fun at home together and did great without mommy. Maelyn and I got stuck in NY for an extra day due to the weather.

The rest of February was busy but uneventful. Lots of colds, a couple trips to the pediatrician, a stomach bug. But we've had beautiful weather, lots of playing outside. Ben has been absolutely loving school. He is so smart already but has be soaking in everything from school. He counted to 200 today. I had to sit and listen to each number... His teacher is impressed with how quickly he is picking up hand writing. Micah's been copying everything Ben says and does, so I'm so thankful Ben is so smart and well behaved! They are the best boys a mommy could ask for! Maelyn's growing fast. She loves to self feed and suddenly hates baby food. She still doesn't roll or crawl. I think it's called, "I have two big brothers so why would I move to get a toy?" and she is just so easy going and content that she isn't easily motivated to move. But she will be evaluated by early intervention sometime next month. We had a little scare that she might have hip dysplasia but found out yesterday that her x-rays looked good. So pray for her gross motor development and her legs as one is longer than the other.

March will bring lots more travel for Tim. The last few months he has been traveling a lot and I am not a fan. This month we also have a big 4 year birthday party planned. The boys are also excited for Easter. I had really fun Norwex parties in NY but need to find hosts here in CO. I can't keep traveling for them. So I'm hoping to figure out how to make that happen.

Thank you to those who've continued to pray for us. Please pray for continued health and healing. Pray for continued assimilation into our new normal. I'm still having a hard time, it feels like it is going to be a life long process.

They grow so fast!

Family Life Celebration Day

The date January 21 will never be the same for us. It is the day we found out we were going to have a little girl and the day we began to mentally prepare to bury our daughter. As January approached I was already wondering what the 21st would be like this year. God was so good to us and He answered so many prayers, and we have our daughter here, full of life, but all of the feelings and emotion of that week will haunt me forever. It was actually Tim who brought it up and suggested that we celebrate that date. So after thinking about it for a while we decided that January 21st will be a day for our family to celebrate life. We are planning on doing something fun with the kids and treating it almost like a birthday celebration. 

Maelyn's life is truly a miracle and a blessing and a testimony to the power of prayer. She is alive and well and thriving, and you would not even know there is anything wrong with her if you met her. Yet she is missing a major part of her heart, it is out of place in her chest and she has been through open heart surgery. But when I think about it, isn't every life a miracle? a blessing? and a testimony to the power of our awesome God? I know each of my kids are. What a better day to celebrate that than the day we were face to face with death.

Update: Pictures from our family life celebration day are on my Instagram, kikistocker, with #familylifecelebrationday2016

"Chemical Free"

As a family we are attempting to become a chemical free home. Wow, that really seems weird for me to put out there publicly. Partially because I never thought I'd be one of 'those people' and also because it is a work in progress, we are not totally there yet. So I want to explain what this means to me and why we made this decision, because again, I never thought I'd be one of these people. Sorry, I tried to keep this brief, but ended up having a lot to say. 

Awhile ago I became curious about essential oils. And the one thing I realized while learning about them, the one thing that really got me thinking, is that everything we touch, not just what we actually put on our skin, but what we walk on, sit on or rub against, absorbs into our skin and into our blood stream. I mean I know I learned this back in high school but I guess it didn't matter then. And with the thought that whatever I put on my skin is going into my blood stream I am not sure I like the idea of using things that I can't even pronounce. But, when I was pregnant with Maelyn I stopped using oils and temporarily gave up on this thought process just because I was so sick and stressed. 

Then over the summer, while we were in that weird waiting for surgery phase I started to think about essential oils again and was really thinking about how to keep my family healthy and prepare for surgery. A really good friend, who is basically the same person as me, suggested that I watch a documentary on Netflix called The Human Experiment because she had watched it and it got her thinking and making changes. Knowing how similar she and I are, I knew I needed to watch it. I highly recommend watching it. It is one of those things that you have to take with a grain of salt, but some of the statistics and information presented in it terrified me and kicked my butt into gear. 

I ran out to Target that night to look for all new cleaning and personal care products that were "greener". However, on this quest, I got really discouraged. I realized that there are just a whole bunch of more expensive products out there that claim to be healthier but I still don't know what any of the things listed in the ingredients are. They claim to be natural, but I still can't pronounce them. I did start using some 'greener' products but wasn't really happy with them, I actually wasn't even happy with some of my chemically products. I was hating my granite counters because I could never get them really clean and you can only use 'granite cleaner'. And you can only use 'stainless cleaner' and you can only use 'laminate' cleaners, and windex and ect. and I just hated cleaning! I eventually gave up and started to make all of my own products. I have been making my own body lotion for awhile, but I tried making my own laundry detergent and my own granite spray and my own window cleaner and my own all purpose spray and my own toy cleaner, but again I just got so tired of that! I hate having a different cleaning product for every item in my house! It's just too much work for a busy mommy and half of the products I didn't even like.

I finally found a solution to all of this frustration. The week before Maelyn's surgery a friend had a girls night where she wanted to practice her Norwex presentation. I had never heard of Norwex before, she just said it was green cleaning products. I told Tim I would only buy something if it could get my granite clean. Ok, I know this is so corny, but that night, Norwex changed my life! Not only could this one cloth (with just water, no chemicals) get my granite clean, it could clean literally everything in my house. On top of that it could clean our skin, product free, and it great for cuts and scars. It is naturally antibacterial and chemical free, great for kids, especially kids who have compromised immunity and health issues. 

I started with the basics, an envirocloth, a polishing cloth, and the body pack (wash cloths). I threw out almost everything that was under my sink. Goodbye granite cleaner, stainless cleaner, laminate cleaner, tile cleaner, wood cleaner, stove cleaner, windex, lysol wipes, I even had rubbing alcohol to clean my micro-suede couch, everything, gone. The envirocloth cleans all of those. Since I surgery Maelyn has only been bathed with a Norwex body cloth and a little shampoo (most recently homemade shampoo), no soap. Her skin is so soft and smooth, her dry patches have disappeared (even though it's now winter).   

I do like making personal care products. I make my own lotion, body wash, hand soap, face lotion, and other little things using natural products and oils. (I would love to share my recipes if you would like them!) I use the Norwex washcloth for my face but use a homemade body wash. I like them, but honestly Tim and the boys don't use them, so I try to buy them the 'greener' products. I have started using my own stuff on Maelyn, we girls stick together. I have an oil roller ball for her scar and she only gets natural homemade lotion (mostly just on her cheeks!). 

I'm not saying that I believe that chemicals cause cancer and I am not saying that I believe chemicals have had any way affected my kids diagnosis, but I am saying that if I can, in any way, attempt to keep my family healthy, I'm going to try, because we already have enough medical issues, I can't handle any more. Plus, going chemical free has actually made cleaning more fun and my house feels cleaner because those chemically products leave a residue that you have to keep cleaning over and over again. I wanted my kids to be able to help with chores, but I was not going to give them a lysol wipe, or a spray bottle of windex. Now they can help as much as they want! 

Please consider shopping my Norwex store if you want to try this easy healthy cleaning. And please contact me if you have any questions or want any suggestions or recipes. I would love to talk about this with you!  

Word of the year

I remember writing about my word of the year, last year. It ended up being 'heart', ironically enough. This year was a little easier for me to figure out. My word this year is 'life'. I feel like I wrestled with God a lot about life and death this last year and now I have a new understanding of life. I've decided that, in light of this past year and the lack of living we did, and the new life we've been given, we need to make the most of every moment.

I have hopes and ambitions, but we'll see what actually gets accomplished. I want to give my children memories and that means getting out of the house and doing things (which is hard for us homebodies). We want to take vacations and take lots of local day trips and possibly go camping (I'm on the fence about doing this given our kids current ages). We want to do preschool and swim lessons and other classes. Tim and I want to make more time for ourselves, both together and individually. Tomorrow night we are going on our first real date in over a year. 'Real' meaning that we are not at the hospital or running errands, and we will not be taking time alone together to discuss serious issues. 'Real' means we will be going out to enjoy each others company and relax and have fun together. We are hoping to make this a monthly occurrence.

As for me, I have not worked (for money) in over 3 years. I mean, making and taking care of 3 babies is a lot of work! But I wanted something for me, something to get me out of the house a little bit and hopefully make me feel like I'm contributing. But at the same time I didn't want to 'go back to work' and be taken away from raising my kids. So, I am starting a new adventure and attempting to start my own Norwex biz. I go back and forth between being really excited and ambitious about it, to being super nervous and second guessing myself for starting this. I am so not a 'sales-y' person but I truly believe in the products and think they sell themselves, so here's hoping they do! I'm also hoping to soon get all 3 kids onto similar schedules and be able to fit some time into my day for myself for reading, exercising, showering... (or working if I can get enough business). Since Maelyn's been here I have not had much time for any of that, but she's growing fast!

What's your word this year?