Surgery in the morning

I'm posting because I feel like I need to, but I don't really know what to say. We had her pre-op appointments this morning. She had blood work done, which didn't go smoothly, but results were good. She had a chest xray, which went well. And then we saw 3 different nurses, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and the research assistant. It was a long morning. Maelyn was tired but did well.

It was just hard because it's real. I can't ignore it anymore. I did think I would cry but I started to cry after Tim signed all of the consents. It felt like we were literally signing her life away. The surgeon went over all of the risks/complications. I knew most of them but it is always hard to hear. He also emphasized the low percent chance of them happening but that didn't make me feel better. We had a 1% chance of getting a CHD, our family has two, one in a million diagnosis, so telling me that there is 1-2 % chance of such and such complication, still doesn't sound like good odds to me. It's also hard to hear all of the risks/complications and even what to expect to see after surgery when she looks and seems so good right now. She seems so healthy and she is so happy, she will not be either of those things for a long time.

Tonight I have to give her a special bath to prep her for tomorrow. I'll be getting up at 4 am to nurse her for the last time and then get ready to head to the hospital for an unknown amount of time. We check in at 6 and surgery is at 7:30. There is a lot of prep for them to do before they cut, so that will probably happen around 8:30. Surgery should take about 2 hours, then closing and moving her to the CICU, then making sure she's stable, so it will be a few hours after that that we will be able to see her. Even when we do get to see her she will still be sedated and she will have a breathing tube, 2 chest tubes, and 3 different IV lines. Plus all the wires to the monitors (heart rate, blood pressure and pulse ox).

Risks/complications to pray against: death, neurological damage, brain damage, her body rejecting the procedure, swelling and fluid retention. Pray for her hearts ability to heal and beat properly after. (There is a risk that she might need a pace maker depending on how things go.) Pray for her kidneys and liver to function well, pray for her lymphatic system and her ability to process fats, pray for the pressure in her lungs, pray for the pressure in her head, pray against clots and infections (from both the blood transfusion and the multiple incisions). Pray against the need for extra surgeries or admissions due to complications. Pray for her ability to handle all of the different medicines she will be given and against reactions.

I feel like I have infinite prayer requests. Pray for Maelyn to still be Maelyn afterward. That's my biggest prayer right now. Pray for fast healing, an easy hospital stay, and a smooth transition home. Pray for nursing and sleeping and development. Pray against head aches. Pray for the boys and my parents as they are home without us. Pray for our ability to handle all of the medical stuff. Pray for peace, comfort and strength. Pray for God's plans and will.