Honesty time

I've had every intention to maintain my blog and keep posting. My goal was twice a month. It has not been so easy since Maelyn recovered from surgery. I can blame that on everyone being well and not having numerous doctors appointments to catch you up on, but the reality is that I have not been able to post because it is me who is fighting now. It is easy to write about my kids and my family, but it is hard to write about myself. I want to be writing about the glorious Faithfulness of the light at the end of the tunnel, that was the year of 2015. But I'm struggling to live in it myself. 

2015 was a dark year. We walked through the shadow of death, we went through hell and back. We felt like Job, everything was being stripped away. But we survived. Not only that but we came out victorious. We came out with life, with prosperity, with redemption, with testimony. Living proof that Jesus over came the grave. How awesome is that?! 

And yet, I've been a mess these last several month. The only way I got through that whole year was the holy spirit, and fight or flight coping mechanisms, and then I crashed and I crashed hard. It started in November. Once we were "back to normal". I didn't know how to be normal. I didn't know how to not be in flight or flight mode any more. I didn't know how to process everything we went through. I've been carrying it all around like a giant weights that I didn't know how to get off of me. And the enemy was in my head repeating lies over and over again. By January I was in a very dark place. In February I tried to take a trip to NY to get away from everything. It didn't work. In March Tim was gone for 2 weeks and I just broke. It was a turning point. I was honest with him about how truly hard life was beating on me, how horrible I was feeling, that I was having a hard time getting through each day and that I couldn't do it alone. He agreed to try to stop traveling for awhile and to help me get help. 

I don't want to be ashamed or feel guilty, I want to be honest because it is reality. Depression is not something to be hidden, it should be brought into the light, where Jesus can heal and where accountability can hold us up. I'm only able to write this because I am healing. I am in a better place and most importantly, I am getting help. I've been seeing a therapist/pastor and a medical doctor. Both of while have been very supportive and helpful. I just found out that I have a the genetic disorder that predisposes one to depression. This was actually a relief to hear. I've wrestled with depression my whole life and now it all makes sense. I will not be using it as an excuse to be depressed but as a reason to fight harder and get the help I need, when I need it. That being said, Jesus has been my ultimate healer and helper. Jesus us the one who got me through past bouts of depression and He is the one healing me now. Through healing prayer with my therapist and through the name of Jesus, the weights are slowly coming off. 

I have a 4 year old!?

Luckily, I have not had much to write about lately. But we spent the month of March preparing for Ben's birthday. Because his birthday was on Easter, I think I over compensated... Tim was gone for two weeks in the middle of the month so my parents came out to visit while he was gone. We had a little celebration for Ben while they were here and he kept calling it his pretend birthday. He got a special birthday boy t-shirt and he wore it when we went to the train museum. When we go home he got a couple presents from nana and g-pa and then had cupcakes.

 Then the week of his real birthday we had a combined birthday party with friends who's son turned 4 the day before Ben. We went to a play center with friends and had pizza and cupcakes. Driving home from this, an exhausted Ben called from the back seat of the van, "mommy, am I four yet?"... 
Then the day before his birthday we had our family birthday day with presents, facetimeing with family and more cupcakes. 

And then by the morning of his actual birthday I was in Easter mode and kind of forgot that it was the actual day! In the morning we gave Easter baskets and got dressed in our Easter clothes, then I remembered! I asked Ben what he wanted for breakfast and told him he could have anything he wanted because it was his birthday, and he chose pepperoni. I don't know why, I don't know where he thought of it, but I had some, so he had pepperoni for breakfast on his 4th birthday. Ben got to wear his birthday boy pin to church and we ran to the grocery store for cake after nap time! We had an Easter dinner at our house with friends and had a little egg hunt in the family room for the 4 boys (Ben being the oldest). Then some more friends joined us for cake and a game night. Everyone made Ben feel very special. It was a great Easter. Ben is very happy to finally be four. 

Homemade body care products

I have had a few inquiries on my homemade body care stuff. So I took some time to compile a list and decided to post it here! I enjoy playing with this stuff and trying different recipes and products, so I usually just wing it. I get a lot of my ingredients at costco, some the grocery store or natural grocer. I use Young Living essential oils, because I don't trust store brand oils. I just ordered shae butter off amazon. So if you are interested, enjoy!


Homemade Lotion

1 part shae butter

1 part grape seed oil (or other oil of your choice but I found grape seed absorbs nicely)

A few drops of essential oil of your choice, (about 5 drops per cup?)

Whip together in a small blender (melt shae butter in microwave first if it is too hard or if it doesn't blend smooth)

Scent suggestions; lavender is the go to, but tea tree and frankincense are also great for skin issues.

Citrus smells nice but can be harmful to skin when in the sun.

Store in a shallow container or small mason jar.

Homemade Bodywash

1 part melted coconut oil 

1 part raw honey

1 part Dr Bronners liquid castile soap

I melt the oil in the microwave in a mason jar then add the ingredients to the jar. You can used the lines on the jar to measure. Easy and less messy. Then you just put the lid on, gently shake to mix and store in your shower for use! The honey usually separates so just shake gently before use. 

Scent suggestions; Dr Bronners makes different scents as well as unscented. Take your pick, I like citrus or lavender (just don't use peppermint in the shower).

Homemade hand soap

Foaming hand soap dispenser (I use old Method ones)

Fill 1/3 with Dr Bronners liquid castile soap

Fill the remaining 2/3 with water

Add extra essential oils for different scents

Gently shake to mix. Our favorite scent is peppermint with some added citrus. 

The castile soap can build up on sink basins, use some dish soap to gently clean.  

Kids bath salts

About 1 part epsom salt to 1 part baking soda, (I might use slightly more salts, the ratio is really up to you) and lavender essential oil.

I throw this together in a big plastic container (currently an old oxiclean tub) and mix with my hands. In the oxiclean tub I probably use about 20 drops of oil. I used to just make a mason jar worth and only used 3-5 drops of oil. Keep the jar sealed and dry, moisture will make the whole thing go really hard.

I add between a 1/8 - 1/3 cup of this to the tub every time I give the kids a bath. It's detoxifying and relaxing, plus great for diaper rash and any other private issues kids might develop. 

Homemade hand scrub

Again I just wing it when I make it so I'll have to measure next time! This is great for dry cracked hands. It exfoliates and moisturizes. Lotions will absorb much better after using a scrub. For my super dry CO winter hands I'll use this and then put on pure shae butter. 

~ 1 cup of brown sugar (you can also use white but I prefer brown)
~ 1/4 cup of an oil of your choice (sweet almond is great, also grape seed or olive would work well)
Plus any essential oils to make it smell yummy!

Mix and store in a small mason jar and keep it by the kitchen sink!

Scent suggestions. I'm a go to lavender person but I get sick of it quickly because I use it so much. So other combos I have that friends have suggested are almond and orange, and Douglas fir and grape fruit, which is really fresh great! 

I've tried different homemade, in shower, body scrubs made with epsom salts, oils and/or coffee and honey. However I have not found any I like. So once I make one I like I'll share!

The month of February

I realize I didn't post at all the month of February. This blog was started to be able to keep friends and family updated on our lives and I didn't really have anything to update. I was also able to take a trip, just Maelyn and I, to NY to visit friends and family there, so they got to meet Mae and see us instead of just reading about us! Maelyn and I had a very busy but fun week. We got to see people I haven't seen in years and we got to meet people who have been praying for us so much this last year. She did great being off her schedule and in new places. We were there over Valentines day and Tim was home with the boys all week. They had fun at home together and did great without mommy. Maelyn and I got stuck in NY for an extra day due to the weather.

The rest of February was busy but uneventful. Lots of colds, a couple trips to the pediatrician, a stomach bug. But we've had beautiful weather, lots of playing outside. Ben has been absolutely loving school. He is so smart already but has be soaking in everything from school. He counted to 200 today. I had to sit and listen to each number... His teacher is impressed with how quickly he is picking up hand writing. Micah's been copying everything Ben says and does, so I'm so thankful Ben is so smart and well behaved! They are the best boys a mommy could ask for! Maelyn's growing fast. She loves to self feed and suddenly hates baby food. She still doesn't roll or crawl. I think it's called, "I have two big brothers so why would I move to get a toy?" and she is just so easy going and content that she isn't easily motivated to move. But she will be evaluated by early intervention sometime next month. We had a little scare that she might have hip dysplasia but found out yesterday that her x-rays looked good. So pray for her gross motor development and her legs as one is longer than the other.

March will bring lots more travel for Tim. The last few months he has been traveling a lot and I am not a fan. This month we also have a big 4 year birthday party planned. The boys are also excited for Easter. I had really fun Norwex parties in NY but need to find hosts here in CO. I can't keep traveling for them. So I'm hoping to figure out how to make that happen.

Thank you to those who've continued to pray for us. Please pray for continued health and healing. Pray for continued assimilation into our new normal. I'm still having a hard time, it feels like it is going to be a life long process.

They grow so fast!