Right now we are in desperate need for God to provide us a house. I have been doing nothing but looking for a house for the last 7 days and have gotten no where. The rental market here has just exploded. The cost of rent has gone up exponentially and there are more people looking than there are houses. We can not even get into look at a house because they are going so fast. I'll find a house posted online and email them within a few hours and either all of the showings are already booked, or the house is already rented. We talked about increasing our budget but with the medical bills we know will be coming this year, we don't think it would be smart. I am getting scared. I've looked into complexes, but they are almost more expensive than a house and I can't imagine how we are going to fit our family of five, the dog and my parents all into something closer to 1,000 square feet. After talking to some real estate people, they all said renting right now is a pit and you need to buy. So we even looked into getting financing to buy but, as we already knew, because we still own our house in PA we can not buy. We can't afford to (or have time to) sell that house and we are not making any money on it either, we are barely breaking even. Each day that we don't find any new housing options I feel like we are one day closer to having a baby and no where to bring her home to. We really have no other option than God providing for us. I do not feel at peace about any of this. I feel like I had just gotten to a place where I accepted that we were stuck in CO for a few more years and Maelyn is going to go through surgery but it was ok, because we have this house that can accommodate us and we have started putting roots here. But then with this stress of finding a new place to live, and packing a moving, I do not feel ok with anything any more.It is not ok for her to be born with a broken heart. It is not ok for us to be across the country from everyone. How can we go through her surgeries when we don't know where we will be, and how can my parents stay with us to watch the boys when we might be in a little apartment? And we can't wait, we can't just put our stuff in storage and wait for something. She is coming! The surgeries are coming. The stress has been overwhelming. I've been having braxton hicks contractions, which I did not have this early with the boys. I'm afraid they are going to put me on bed rest, which is physically impossible for a mommy of 2 toddlers. But Maelyn cannot be born before 39 weeks, or she probably wont be able to make it through surgery. I've quit MOPS and Bible Study and Community Group because I just emotionally can't handle talking to people and I need the time and money for appointments and house hunting. It's all too much. Plus it is just getting hard to pack up the boys and take them places, and I don't want to keep having contractions. If I am having a hard time taking the kids out, how am I going to move?
Lord we need you! We need a miracle! We need several miracles because we just don't know what to do. We are out of control, out of strength, and out of ideas. I feel like we are in an impossible place, but Lord nothing is impossible for you. Please God show us your plan, open doors, be our strength and provider. Heal my children. Lord hear my cries.
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